my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
