Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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