Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hippo gnu deer
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
