Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize