just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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