can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
