I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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