lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
