Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Rumble strips road head = magical
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
