its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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