you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
