while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
