One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
