I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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