Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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