I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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