his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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