Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
