we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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