So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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