I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
