You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
