I want to make a zoo with you.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
