Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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