I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
