Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
