I am in a vortex of obligation.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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