Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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