My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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