I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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