i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
