i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
