Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
