I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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