my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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