Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
