I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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