its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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