Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
