WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
