when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
