Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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