It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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