I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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