yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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