He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
