So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
