just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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