i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
