he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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