Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
