I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
