the day after is always just damage control
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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