Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
