2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
