I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
