I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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