I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
