Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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