Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
