I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
