guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
