carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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