Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize