Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
