I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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