Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
