i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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