everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize