You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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