I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Randomize