hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
