Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
