I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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