i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
