Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
