Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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