Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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