I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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