that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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