I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
