I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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