It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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