If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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