Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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