1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
