You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
