Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
