The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
