dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Come share oat with me in your robe
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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