First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
zippers are such a cool invention
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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