Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
