you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
