You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
did you just send me my own nude
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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