I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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