he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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