Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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