Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
