Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
