your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
