brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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