I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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