zippers are such a cool invention
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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