Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
high people should be assigned attendants
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
