Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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