your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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