I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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