wat bout pragnant strippers??
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
that may or may not have been my penis.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize