I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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